Shortly after the new year, I was struggling with a deep sense of restlessness as we began to near the end of our travels and consider what our future might look like when we settled into our new Iowa community. I was having a hard time sleeping and instead spent many nighttime hours staring out my bunk window sorting through anxious thoughts and questions while listening to my family’s snores and steady breathing that filled the RV. As I began specifically thinking about job possibilities, I worried ‘what if … isn’t part of God’s purpose for me? What is my future supposed to look like?’
Sidenote: They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back now, I see that I was essentially worried that my mortal mind, with its frail plans, would somehow thwart the all-powerful plans of my immortal God…a totally reasonable fear, I’m sure (please note the intended sarcasm)
Rightly or wrongly, I didn’t communicate this mental turmoil to anyone except the Lord. Whenever I ‘took my thoughts captive’ and payed attention to my anxious thought processes, I would take those worries to Jesus in prayer. One night, when I was particularly restless, I snagged my Bible from the foot of my bed and opened to a random page…I know, pretty cliché. Proverbs 19 was the chapter facing up at me and as I read, verse 21 leaped out at me, screaming for attention.
“Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”
Well then, how’s that for addressing my anxiety…and then add that to verses like Jeremiah 29:11:
“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”
Or Matthew 6:33-34:
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is it’s own trouble.”
In other words, I’m called to seek to glorify God in all that I do and trust that He will guide me each step of the way along the path He has for me. Way easier said than done, but then again, Jesus never said that life as a Christian would be easy…only that it would be rewarded in the end. Trusting that God will work His plan for my life is an area of my own faith journey that I’m seeking to grow in, as my natural instinct is to want to control and plan my steps the way I want them to go…but that’s not my job and in fact, leads to more anxiety and fear of failure. As we settle into our community, it’s been amazing to see the doors that God is opening for our family… jobs, potential ministry opportunities, and more. And whenever I feel unsure about walking through an open door, Proverbs 19:21 echoes in my thoughts and reminds me that I don’t need to be in control…His plans will come to pass and will exceed and succeed far better than any of my own.
Amen Baby! So hard to remember at times though, isn't it? Or to simply wait on Him to direct our next steps. He is faithful though, and so very kind to us.
Beautifully expressed, Jaela! We all struggle with this, whether early in our life journey searching for the right career path or later, as we adjust to changing health issues. Thanks for sharing. Ruth